


England x Nick Crompton

by owodespacito



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Crack, M/M, dead meme, really good read right now, this is linked to my other fic ;)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-09-22 07:28:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 5,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17055710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/owodespacito/pseuds/owodespacito
Summary: England has just broken up with America so he attends a blind dating event in the hopes of finding a sexy-ass bf.basically on hiatus, i guess. Probably wont be updated, at least for a while ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ sorry lads, I've just lost interest. But I don't mind if anyone wants to take this idea lol, it's so stupid





	1. Chapper 1 - England geates reedey

England was doing his amazing eyebrows (that were smexier than Erwin's) because he was going on a blind date with someone called Nick Crompton. He was looking for a new boyfriend after he had broken up with America. He deleted his persona 4 hentai and yiff collection off his computer. America claimed France did it, but he knew better!

He looked at his watch; it was 4:20pm, he'd be late if he didn't leave soon! England took his phone out and booked an uber. It then arrived 69 seconds later.

"Take me to Très Bien please!" England said to the driver.

"Oui oui, mon copain!" replied the driver. England screamed, he looked at the man and realized it was France, but he was wearing a fake Hitler mustache.

"What the bloody hell are you doing here France?!" England yelled.

"Who is France? Mon name est Francis, tu petit baguette!" France replied.

"That's France's human name you imbecile! What the hell are you playing at? Wanker!" England demanded.

"I'm only trying to make sure mon petit ami has an amazing date!" France said while doing a cheeky jojo pose,"now, get in the car or you'll be late!"

France drove England to Très Bien. When they arrived, England got out his wallet. France saw him.

"Non non! You don't need to pay me, besides, what we did at Germany's place was enough payment for me!" France winked at England.

"Shut up about that you cheeky cunt, I'd rather die than relive that!" England lied. He started to walk into the restaurant before France could say anything else.


	2. Chupter 2 - Da dayte, parte uno

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> England finally arrives at the resturaunt.

England stepped into the fancy restaurant. There was a blind dating event going on, probably for publicity or something. He had been assigned a number, it was 11037.  _How many fucking tables are there?_  He thought to himself. He sat down at his table. He was alone, he hoped he hadn't been stood up. England started to daydream, thinking of his ideal man and hoping someone like that would turn up.

Suddenly, an absolute unit of a man walked into the restaurant. He had blonde hair, Gucci sunglasses, but most notably he had the epicest popped collar. It seemed to stay poppin'. This collar was on another level, it rivaled Yu Narukami's!

"Yo wassup?" The godly man said, looking into England's green eyes through his shades.

"N-not much! How are you today sir?" England stuttered while offering a hand to Nick. He gladly shook it.

England blushed slightly, the man's grip was firm but his hands were soft.  _He must moisturize,_   _I wonder how his hands would feel in my crumpet ho-_

"I'm doing pretty litty laddy!" Nick said. He then gave England a sympathetic look, "no need to be nervous boi, I won't desu-stroy you!"

"Th-thanks lad..." England blushed at the man's kindness, "So, what ar-"

"What would you duex like to order?" They were interrupted by a waiter appearing at their table. To England's horror, it was France again but this time he was wearing sunglasses as well as his hitler mustache! England wanted to yell at him, or drop kick him, but he couldn't do that in front of his date!

"We haven't even seen the menus yet, frog!" England snapped. He saw Nick giving him a weird look.

"Do not worry monsieur Crompton, moi and England are good copains, it's just a bit of cyber-banter oui?" France did a fortnite dance and handed them their menus.

"England, I would recommend the spaghetti," France winked. England turned redder than Italy's bolognese sauce.

"Wanker..." England muttered under his breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It didn't let me delete the picture (I copied and pasted this from my quotev) so rip me.


	3. Chatter 3 - Da dayte, pairt dos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> idk

"I'll have the ramen burgers please," said Nick. France noted down his order.

"C'est bon choice, one of our regulars orders them all the time!" France left to put their orders through.

"I assume you know him then?" Nick Crompton said casually before taking a sip of his 'grape juice' (that they've totally had this entire time).

"Yes, I don't know what he's playing at tonight but he's making me uneasy." England said.

He then heard someone from the kitchen shout, "Pastaaaaaaaa!" He was beginning to regret coming here, he'd started to get flashbacks from  _that night_  and he couldn't help but shudder at the memory.

"You okay England?" He was brought out of his thoughts and looked up to see Nick staring into his eyes. England could feel his peircing gaze, even behind the sunglasses.

"Yeah, I just thought I recognized that voice before..." He trailed off.

"You seem to know everyone, you must get around a lot!" Nick said.

"You could say that," England decided to change the subject,"How about we get to know each other a tad more?" he suggested.

"Alright, hmm where to start? Oh I know! Have you ever heard about 'Team10'?" Nick asked.

"No, I'm afraid I haven't." England replied.

"Well you've gotta listen to this!" Nick fumbled around in his pockets and pulled out an ipod and special limited edition Apollo Justice headphones™, then he handed them over to England, who slipped them headphones over his ears. He then heard the most amazing song he had the pleasure to listen to. 

The voice sang, "it's everyday bro with that disney channel flow." The sheer beauty of the song brought a tear to his eye. He reached up to wipe it away but he suddenly felt Nick's soft finger wiping it for him. He watched him bring the moist finger to his mouth. A pink tongue licked up the moisture.

"Mmmn, salty but sweet," he murmured. On a normal date, England would've freaked out and ran, but this wasn't a normal date. He was with Nick Crompton. He focused his attention back to the song blasting through the headphones. He then heard something that shocked him.

"You know it's Nick Crompton and my collar stay poppin'!"

"W-what!? You're in this song?!" england blurted out. He then heard four words, four words that made him turn red, four words that sealed his fate,

"England is my city."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided to just leave the pictures in xd.


	4. Chippy 4 - Da dayte, pairt tres

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's here. I had no good ideas for the image so I just took a screenshot of my shitty hetalia mmd and put a word over it.

 

 

 

Nick had a cheeky grin on his face as he watched England listen to the song.

"Do you like it?" He asked. England was still speechless. Did Nick even know the implications of the line "England is my city"? Did he even know he was the personification of England?  _The writer of this train-wreck should've established that earlier!_ He thought.

Before England or Nick could say anything, France had arrived with their food.

"Bonjour monsieurs, your food has arrived!" France said and presented them with their meals. He noticed England had headphones on, "Ooh, England quoi are tu listening to?"

"None of your business, git!" England snapped, temporarily forgetting about the song that had just come to a stop. Nick must've left auto-play on, because when the beautiful song had (sadly) come to an end, another song had started playing.

"Fingers in his ass, fingers in his ass, Kanye west he likes, fingers in his ass," England jolted, he had heard this song before! He vaguely remembered dancing to it with America, but those days were behind him now because he had a new man in his life. He wanted to be Nick's city.

"Aw, just a little listen, s'il vous plaît! I won't damage your headphones, I promise! I know how much you love ace attorney, after all, you paid Japan so much for your special limited edition Apollo Justice headphones™!" France pleaded. Before England could respond, he heard Nick gasp from across the table.

"You like ace attorney?! Why didn't you say before?!" Nick exclaimed.

"Ooh la la~ It appears you two have a common interest!" France said.

"Well, I do like ace attorney," England admitted, "we even have the same special limited edition Apollo Justice headphones™, I'm ashamed I didn't recognize them earlier."

"OwO my gosh, samesies!!!!!!!!!" France squealed, "anyway, I'll leave tu deux to your meals." He then simultaneously whipped and nae-naed away.

"So, who's your favourite character?" Nick asked him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ragXUudjLk - very cool video


	5. Chaplin 5 - America id v sadde :(

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> America is beary sad so he goes to Japan's house.

 

 

France had deleted tonnes of hentai off England’s computer and somehow HE had got the blame for it. Because England had kicked him out his house, he decided to stay over at Japan’s place because why the hell not?

Now America was sat on Japan’s couch, watching evangelion with him, while shoving ice cream into his mouth.

“WHYYYYYYYYY DID ENGLAND HAVE TO DUMP ME MAN? It was just some hentai and it wasn’t even me!” America wailed. Japan sighed.

“Well, it was 2.4 petabytes, it must’ve took him centuries to gather that much hentai so he probably was very distraught.” Japan reasoned.

“Wait, it was that big? How the fuck did he get that much?” America was shocked. Japan chuckled.

“I do not know, even my collection is only 342 terabytes.” He said.

“Woah dude, too much information!” He went to shove more ice cream in his mouth but found he had run out, “mind if I get some more?” He asked.

“Sure, go ahead.” Japan sighed. America shot up and ran to the kitchen. He grabbed 5 large packs of Ben and Jerry’s funky monkey and sat back down. He started shoving one packet into his mouth, packaging and all.

“That doesn’t look very healthy,” Japan commented. America made incomprehensible sounds while he chewed on the card-like packaging.

“Well, that was the last episode,” Japan said as the credits started rolling, “do you want to watch something else?” He asked. America nodded.

Japan got up and put a new DVD in.

“This one’s really good, it’s called ‘Boku no Pico’, England watched it with me once but he had some sort of seizure halfway through so we didn’t finish it.” Japan sat back down and leaned back while the opening played. America was a bit unsettled by the fact England had had a seizure while watching whatever the fuck they're watching now, but maybe he has some sort of medical condition? He decided to just watch the anime anyway.

Japan started singing along with the opening. Honestly, it was a bop and America would've joined in if he knew the words (and if his mouth wasn't full of ice cream). When the opening ended, Japan turned to America.

"Maybe you should find someone else to date." Japan said. America was surprised, after all this was completely unprompted! He swallowed his ice cream.

"Like who dude? Everyone else is either weird, scary, annoying or all three! No offence Japan but honestly, I find your hentai weird. England was the most bearable person, well yeah he might've liked hentai but at least he didn't make it!" america wailed.

"None taken," Japan said, "maybe you should date a human then. France said they're boring, but that might be what you're looking for."

"Woah, great idea Japan! I'm gonna get on that asap, but let's finish this anime first!" America started shoving another pack of ice cream down his throat. He looked back at the 69 inch screen. Laughing to himself, he realised one of the characters was eating some ice cream.  _What kind of anime is this anyway?_ He thought to himself.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will probably be England x Nick Crompton as well as America x Jake Paul or Logan Paul now so I need to think of a gud name for this cursed fic.


	6. Chudder 6 - Bacc tu thee daite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas and happy holidays guys, hope you all enjoy this Christmas gift :)

 “And then I said ‘almost Christmas means it wasn’t Christmas!’” England said, laughing along with Nick. France suddenly came to their table.

“Monsieurs, I hate to be rude, but c’est two hours after closing time. Mon boss has told me to escort tu deux out,” France said.

“Blimey! Has it really been that long?” England’s majestic eyebrows were raised.

“Well, they do say time flies when you’re having fun, my city,” said Nick. England flushed.

“OwO what’s this? You have a pet name now England?” France teased.

“Shut it you! You’re supposed to be kicking us out now anyway,” England said.

“Oui oui, this way sirs!” France lead them outside, where he had parked his uber, “This ride’s on me for the time being, but you’ll have to pay me back some time in the future England!”

“Fine then.” England sighed, he’d deal with france later. All that mattered now was Nick.

“Hey England, what’s your number?” Nick suddenly said. Surprisingly, France didn’t say anything and actually kept driving.

“Hold on, let me get my phone,” England said, sticking a hand in his coat pocket. He took out an iphone x with a neo yokio phone case. He showed his number to Nick.

“Aw non fair England, I won’t give your number to Russia again I promise!” France said. England physically jumped at the memory.

“Thanks bro!” Nick said.

“Looks like this is your stop England!” France turned around to look at him.

“Ah, well I’ll be off then.” England smacked his knee and left the uber. He saw Nick waving at him from the back seat and France doing the default dance. He waved back to Nick.

He unlocked his door and started to take his coat off. Suddenly realising how tired he was, so he decided to head to bed. Before that though he needed to go on discord, he needed to spawn some waifus! He went on one of the servers with the waifu bot on, the one Japan had made called ‘Important world meeting stuff’, and started spawning some, the same characters that had appeared hundreds of times before kept spawning.  _What did I expect? No one good ever spawns._ He used his last spawn, and when he saw who it was he squealed with delight. He pressed the marry button.

“YES! KIRITO IS FINALLY MINE!” He jumped around his room, giggling and crying tears of joy.  _Sword art online is such a good anime_. He then heard the discord notification sound, it was Japan.

“How dar you take my husbando kirito right from under my feet (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻ (ಥ﹏ಥ)” the message said. England chuckled and simply replied with “😎👌”.

He then heard his phone buzz. It was a text from Nick! It simply said “Have a gud night lad”, and he did have a good night. He slept soundly, knowing not only did he have Kirito, but he also had Nick.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of updates, I've been busy. I should be able to update this thing more frequently now though.

When America woke up the first thing he noticed is that he had a pounding headache. He groaned and opened his eyes. All he could see was a white ceiling.

“Wh-what…?” he mumbled.

“Oh you’re awake! I was worried!” He heard a quiet voice to his right. He turned towards it and saw Canada holding a tray of pancakes covered in maple syrup.

“What happened dude?” He asked him.

“Well, Japan called me and said you had some sort of mental breakdown, so I came to see you but you were unconscious! So I decided to take you to my place. Japan was very concerned, apparently you two were just watching some anime and… that happened!” Canada said. America slowly started to remember; he was at Japan’s place, crying about england, and they started watching something.  _What was i-_

“OH DEAR GOD!” America screamed and jumped out of the bed.

“W-what’s wrong!? Are you okay?” Canada said quickly, walking towards him.

“Canada, do not watch an anime called boku.” America said seriously.

“Wh-what?”

“Man, that shit is so wrong, in so many mother fuckin levels yo!” He shouted.

“Oh, was that what you were watching at Japan’s?”  
“Yep! It was awful! I think I’m mentally scarred dude!” He noticed the pancakes Canada was holding, “Are those for me? Can I have some?”

“Sure, they were for you anyway,” Canada said, handing over the tray, “can I get you anything else?”

“Nah, these are good for now,” America said, starting to vore his delicious pancakes.

“Alright, I’ll drive you back to your house later if you want.” Canada offered.

“Really dude? You rock!” He said.

He then remembered something important.

He needed to get waifus! He looked for his phone, breathing a sigh of relief when he found it in his pocket. He saw a few discord notifications.  _I swear to god, if I missed one of my best bois I’m gonna kill someone._  He scrolled through the messages, checking if someone he liked spawned. He then saw Kirito had spawned, and England had claimed him.

“Dammit!” He muttered. He decided to spawn some waifus anyway.  _Kirito will appear again anyway._

He kept spawning until he saw a certain character spawn.

“OH GOD NO!” He shouted. The character that had spawned was none other than Coco, one of the characters in boku no pico. He threw his phone away from him and collapsed.

“What’s wrong America?!” Canada ran into the room, and saw America sat on the floor in a fetal position, his phone on the other side of the room.

“It’s haunting me… Boku no pico is haunting me…” He mumbled.


	8. Charlter 8 - England is v spookd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The picture isn't that accurate tbh but whatever.

England woke up to the sound of all star playing on full blast. He groaned and went to grab his phone to turn the alarm off, as well as to check any messages he had gotten. All he saw were some discord notifications. Unfortunately, he had no time for waifus because he had to go to work today. He couldn’t even message Nick. Apparently it was especially important, his boss had repeatedly told him he couldn’t miss it.

It was going to be in one of the smaller meeting rooms, which England found a bit odd as they were rarely used nowadays. He hadn’t even been told what it was about. He just assumed it was about the usual boring things and decided to take his usual documents with him. This whole thing was a bit weird, but he couldn’t be bothered to question his boss about it.

He got ready and left the house, ready to drive into parliament for some boring and possibly unnecessary meeting (his boss was a bit dramatic sometimes). On his way however, he spotted a small shop. It was selling foreign sweets, but what grabbed his attention were the massive toblerone they were selling, they looked almost a metre in height!  _ I’ll have to drop in there later… _

Soon he arrived at parliament. The meeting was going to start in a few minutes, so he decided he might as well get a seat before all the comfortable ones were taken. Seeing that the door was open, he walked into the room and was slightly surprised to only see his boss in there. It was only a couple of minutes before the meeting, but there were usually a few more people sat down.

“Ah, hello Mrs May,” He greeted his boss.

“Welcome England! Why don’t you take a seat?” Theresa  asked him. He wasn’t quite sure which seat to sit in.  _ Do I sit in the one next to her, or is that just weird? Do I just sit in the one closest to me?  _ He settled on one a few seats away from her and started to unpack his notepad and folders.

He didn’t even notice her get up and close the door.

“Oh England, this meeting isn’t about those.” May said. He raised an eyebrow.

“Excuse me? What is it about then?” He asked.

“I know your relationship with America has ended. I don’t know the details but…” She trailed off.  _ What in God’s name…? _ England was at a loss for words. He didn’t know what she was trying to get at.

“Well, I hope this will make you understand,” She pulled out something from her briefcase and handed it to England. He took it and inspected it. It was a chocolate bar, made by a brand called ‘Choceur’ and it was labeled ‘Swiss chocolate bar’. He realized what it was.

“Is… is this an Aldi toblerone?” He wondered out loud.

“Y-yes! Yes it is! I saw you looking at them big toblerones this morning, so I got you this!” She said, “I… I hope you return my feelings.”

What.

He abruptly stood up.

“I’m afraid I don’t… I have feelings for someone else,” He said, “Wait, you saw me looking at those big toblerones…?” He was a bit concerned now. She wouldn’t have known about the toberlones unless she was nearby...  _ No, there’s got to be a more rational explanation. _

“Wait, what? Who do yo-” She stopped when all star started playing full blast. England started to reach for his phone, but to his horror it was Theresa May’s ringtone. Before she could say a word, England bolted for the door.  _ Okay, there’s no rational explanation for that! She’s a fucking stalker! _

He fumbled with the door knob. It was locked.  _ Bollocks... _


	9. Chayer 9 - ROOOOWOD TWIP

Canada saw America’s phone lying on the ground. He was scared at what America could have possibly seen, but at the same he wanted to know. He picked up his phone and entered his password, 42069, and saw his discord. America must’ve been spawning waifus. _Maybe he accidentally claimed the wrong character?_ He then realised who had spawned.

“Oh, boku no pico! I remember that now, it’s a pretty good anime.” Canada said. He didn’t notice America’s quiet sobbing, “hey, you still have a few spawns left, mind if I use them?” When America didn’t respond, he spawned some anyway.

“OH MY GOWOD, SPEEDWAGON SENPAI!!!!” Canada shouted, startling America.

“Wha- what the hell dude? Are you okay?” America looked up in disbelief, was this guy actually Canada?

“I am not okay, I got Speedwagon!” Canada was actually crying.

“Actually, **I** got Speedwagon, that’s my phone.” America deadpanned. Canada’s face fell.

“Oh darn, I forgot in my excitement.” Canada looked deflated, America felt quite bad actually.

“Don’t worry dude, I’ll give him to you later,” Canada’s eyes lit up, “anyway, when can you drive me back home?”

“We can go now, if you want.” Canada said.

“Really? Thanks dude!” America had briefly forgotten about the horrors of Boku no pico.

Now America was sat in Canada’s passenger seat, driving through California. He had downloaded all the Neo yokio episodes on his netflix account so he could watch them all offline, so he was watching them.

“Dude, you seeing this shit? She turned down his big toblerone, like who does that?” America was rambling about Neo yokio.

“Haven’t you seen that anime already?” Canada asked.

“First off, it’s technically not an anime, I made it! B, it’s a cinematic masterpiece so why wouldn’t I rewatch it? Four, Kaz Kaan is the most complex and sympathetic character of all time and I relate to  him a lot at the moment.” America stated.

“Riiiiiiiight…” Canada said, “Woah, what’s happening up there?” Canada started to slow down the car. America looked up and saw what must’ve been almost 100 children around 12 years old stood in the middle of the road. They seemed to be crowding around someone.

“What the hell?” America took out his apple airpods and turned off his phone, “I’m gonna see what the hell is going on.” He said. Before Canada could tell him they were still driving, America took his seatbelt off and got out the car like an absolute savage.

“America! Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?!” He heard Canada sputtering at him but he continued to walk. He needed to know why so many prepubescent children were on the road.

“OH MY GOD IT’S JAKE PAUL!!” One screamed. _Huh, that name sounds familiar…_ There was a strange song being blasted from some of the children’s 3rd generation iPods. One lyric in particular struck a chord, it went “If it weren’t for team 10 then the US would be shitty.” America didn’t even know who team 10 were!

America noticed that there were some journalist vans parked at the side of the road. Was this Jake Paul person a celebrity of some kind? He then saw a man start to climb on top of one of the vans, he had blonde hair and looked familiar to America. _Well, he is probably famous._

The man looked directly at him. They held eye contact for approximately 6.9 seconds before one of the journalists started yelling at Jake Paul and a car horn sounded behind America.

He turned around and saw Canada leaning out the car window, “C’mon America, let’s go a different way. I’m sure this will be on the news later on.” America sighed and walked back to the car. He needed to know more about this ‘Jake Paul’ person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Image has been added 👌👌👌


	10. Chazer 10 - England is spookd part 2 - electric boogaloo

England started to sweat, his eyebrows were probably 69% water at this point. He kept turning the doorknob, his hands were slippery at this point, but it wouldn’t budge.  _ Fuck. _ He couldn’t face Theresa May.

“England?” Theresa said while leaning uncomfortably close behind him. England jumped.

“ARRGH!” He let out an involuntary scream. His eyes darted around the room, but he couldn’t find any escape routes. The only place he could possibly exit from were the windows, but they couldn’t open and he wasn’t quite desperate enough to break one yet.

“Wh-what do you want from me?!” He sputtered, backing way until his back was against the door.

“Who do you have feelings for?” She demanded.

“Why should I tell you? You should know anyway since you’re a fucking stalker!” He exclaimed. May gasped.

“Did you just swear at me?! Right, I’m going to tell the Queen!”

“No wait! Don’t do that! Plea-” England started to say, but suddenly a loud crash filled the room. One of the windows had been broken!

“STAY LE FUCK AWAY FROM ANGLETERRE!” Someone screeched loudly. England looked to the source of the scream. It was France! He was crouched in the window frame, holding a baguette and a Samsung galaxy S9.

“F-France?” England was shook. He was still wearing the fake mustache and glasses.

“Who on Earth are y-” May said before France drop kicked her in the face.

“Bonjour England, that was a close call non? Heureusement for tu, je was in the area!”

“What the hell? Are you stalking me too?” England crossed his arms. He looked at Theresa May, who had been knocked unconscious and was sprawled out on the floor.

“Non non! C’est not like that! I was just playing pokemon go, and there was a snorlax in Parliament, voir?” France showed England the pokemon he just caught, “What do tu think I should name it? Oh never-mind, J'ai une bonne idée!” France quickly typed something into his phone, then shoved it into England’s face.

The snorlax’s name had been changed to “Theresa May”

“Alright that’s very funny France, but you’ve just drop kicked my boss in the face, you’ve knocked her out for fucks sake!” He pointed at May. France simply chuckled.

“Oui oui, but I helped you out of this sticky situation non?” France waggled an eyebrow. England put his head in his hands.

“The Queen’s going to kill me…” he mumbled.

“There there Angleterre,” France patted his back soothingly, “if she utters a word to le Reine, I’ll whack her with this stale baguette!” France slapped the baguette into his hand for effect, it sounded rock hard.

“...Is that how you broke the window?” England asked him.

“Oui! C’est about as hard as one of your cricket bats!” France swung the stale baguette around.

“Oi watch it! If you break anything else I’ll break your neck!” England tried to snatch the baguette out of France’s hands, but he held it just out of his reach. France laughed.

“Ok ok, let’s get out of here before she wakes up, oui?” France back-flipped out of the window and dabbed as soon as he landed. England sighed and followed him.

“Oh yeah, take of that atrocious mustache, if Germany saw you he’d probably strangle you.”

“Et that’s a bad thing?” France asked, winking cheekily.

“Fuck off” England said.


	11. Hapter 11 - Big toblerone tim

England and France both made their way out of parliament.

“Oh my god England, there’s a Dragonite at Buckingham palace! Je dois go there, es-tu coming?” Asked France.

“No thank you, I think I’ll go shopping. There’s something I want to get”

“Aw okay,” France started to walk away, “Oh wait! Are you and Nick going to see each other again?” He asked.

“Hopefully. I must text him in a bit… Anyway, I best be going now.” England waved at him and started to walk away.

“Au revoir Anglettere!” France waved and bolted,  _probably to get that pokemon, I still can’t believe he still plays that game…_

England started to make his way to that shop he saw before. He wanted, no, needed a big toblerone.  _Wait, I should probably schedule a date with Nick before I get the toblerone…_ He took out his phone and started to text Nick, pressing send when he was happy with the message. He was about to put his phone away, but he got a text from someone. Unfortunately, it wasn’t Nick.

It was from the Queen.

 _Shit! She found out already?!_  He opened the message as fast as he could.

It read: “yo england, i heard one of your m8s (was it that france guy 🤔?) dropkicked theresa may in the face 😂 surprised it wasn’t you tbh, i deffo would’ve. anyway a security camera got all the footage of it, you cool if i put on my youtube channel?”

England was baffled. The Queen wasn’t even mad at him?  _I mean, it WAS Theresa May I guess._

At a loss for words, he decided to reply with “Yes, it’s fine, and it was indeed France.”

Finally, he had arrived at the shop. He stood outside admiring the big toblerones for a solid 14 seconds before he opened the door. The smell of delicious Swiss chocolate penetrated ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) his nostrils. In a daze, he accidentally walked into someone.

“Oi! Watch where you’re going, old man!” A prepubescent voice squeaked. England looked down. A small child was holding at least 3 big toblerones.

“S-Sealand?! What are you doing here?” England forgot that the small child had even existed.

“What does it look like? I’m getting big toblerones!” Sealand said, trying to hold the giant toblerones.

“How can you even afford them? They’re like 80 quid and you’re a small child!” Exclaimed England.

“Excuse me? I’m a country, or did you forget because you’re going senile?”

“No you’re not. Anyway, let me shop in peace.” England barged past him and started to look at the big toblerones.

“Wow, rude. Oh, have you seen the Queen’s latest video? It has France dropkicking Theresa May in it!” Sealand giggled.

“What? She’s uploaded it already?!” England asked, Sealand nodded.

“Here, I’ll show you!” Sealand got out his iPhone xs and his airpods and gave them to England.

“What’s poppin bois, It’s me xXQueenie_Lizze_2Xx with an epic new video! Here we have EXCLUSIVE footage from parliament, showing Theresa May getting drop kicked by a mysterious, baguette-welding, pokemon go-playing Frenchman!” The footage showing France drop-kicking Theresa May was then shown, “aw yeah, get REKT May!” The Queen then picked up the camera, “now, we have an interview with the absolute MAD LAD who kicked May in the face!”

France entered the frame, “bonjour! May, if you’re watching this, I’ll whack you with my baguette if you don’t leave England alone! Or i’ll 1v1 you on fortnite! Anyway, I’ve got to go, there’s a porygon at Big ben, gotta catch ‘em all!” France then dabbed and ran away. The queen continued. “Anyway thanks for watching guys, don’t forget to like, comment and subscribe!” The video then ended.

“She’s gained so many subscribers from that video that she’s catching up to Pewdiepie and T-series!” Sealand said.


End file.
